I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
