There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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