Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
