I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
