elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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