? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
