look no pants
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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