it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
