I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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