her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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