Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
