office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
