when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
