3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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