people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
