I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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