I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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