She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
