dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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