even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were destined to go to rehab together
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
