im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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