found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
this hospital has no fireball
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
