Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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