He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
