Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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