I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
