He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
