is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
