Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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