O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
