Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
