my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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