so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
