i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
