Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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