If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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