stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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