she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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