my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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