Sry I called you an 8
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
