no, he came in my armpit
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
