my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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