After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
