Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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