it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
