I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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