i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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