Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
