Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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