I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
